Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
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They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
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btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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