did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize