He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize