I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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