just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
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This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
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And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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