so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
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Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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