How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize