woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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