Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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