i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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