then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
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I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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