Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
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He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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