Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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