Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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