if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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