apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Is it because I queefed?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize