apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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