Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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