Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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