some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
time to smoke my breakfast
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
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Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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