dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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