6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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