fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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