I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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