If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All I want is dick and wine.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize