So drunk its hurt
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize