I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize