they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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