Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
