Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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