if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize