We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
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you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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