For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize