im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
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I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
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Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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