you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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