I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
