I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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