Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize