i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
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It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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