I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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