Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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