And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
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The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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