Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize