I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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