Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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