i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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