why didn't you poke me back
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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