are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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