loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
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I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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