Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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