i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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