He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
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I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
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I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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