my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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